The recent budget plans and debt ceiling battle have helped sharpen the debate between conservatives and liberals who each have their own world view. I couldn’t help but think how radically different their approach to weight loss might be. And shouldn’t there be a better way?
Top 10 Conservative guiding principles for weight loss
Conservatives’ approach to weight loss
- You can’t eat cake. Or ice cream. Or doughnuts. Or anything that gives you pleasure.
- Abstain from alcohol and drugs.
- Pray before every meal
- No more than 1800 calories a day. Unless, of course, you have contributed money to the Republican National Committee.
- Avoid fast food, or restaurants without white tablecloths.
- Raising exercise levels is off the table – you have to focus on cutting calories.
- Accept random urine tests to detect excessive carb consumption
- Weigh yourself once an hour and report the results to your minister or block captain
- If you don’t lose weight, you get put on probation. 3 strikes and you are out: you get put behind bars where your caloric intake will be strictly limited. Unless ,of course, you have contributed money to the Republican National Committee.
- Other than that, do as you please, you fat slob.
Top 10 Liberal guiding principles for weight loss
Liberals’ approach to weight loss
- Government funded yoga classes
- Eat 3.7 servings of fruit each day, and 9.2 servings of vegetables. Here are the specific fruits and vegetables you are permitted to eat. (See attached table pending final tabulation of campaign contributions)
- Buy only organic food transported in green electric vehicles to solar powered grocery stores or wind powered farmers markets.
- Abstain from most alcohol and fat, red wine and brie cheese excepted.
- Compost your fast spoiling organic fruits and vegetables.
- Recycle empty food and beverage containers regardless of how far you have to drive to drop them off in the proper bin.
- Drink 2 gallons of filtered water a day. Perrier, Pelegrino, and other expensive and status conferring spring waters are also permitted.
- Weigh yourself at most once a month. We’re not keeping score. It’s the effort that counts.
- File a class action suit to remove vending machines that sell sodas from school campuses. Replace with fruit juices of equal or greater caloric content.
- Exercise your collective bargaining rights to demand arugula and alfalfa sprouts in the company cafeteria. Stipulate organic ketchup only for the burgers and fries station.
SurvivalWare Common Sense Approach to weight loss
- Burn more calories than you consume each day
- Keep track so you can monitor daily progress
- Post your weight and performance each day on Facebook or your Blog to provide focus and motivation.
- Buy the SurvivalWare Diet Book (It’s only $3.99 and includes a link to a spreadsheet to help you keep track)
- Throw the bums out of office. We need some common sense in our government.
SurvivalWare Common Sense Approach to Business Survival and Growth
- Take in more cash each (day, week, month) than you ship out
- Be consistently profitable.
- Keep close track of cash and profits so you can monitor daily / weekly / monthly progress and Never Run Out of Cash.
- Join a peer group or franchise system that allows you to compare your performance to industry norms, and learn about best practices.
- Take the time to do cash flow projections, even when it is painful to do.
- Buy our Software! Take our courses! Engage our growing army of Skilled Developers!